Inauspicious escape
by cein
Summary: Take one Medical Examiner, a lab tech, and two NCIS agents. Add one elevator. Sit back and enjoy.


Title: Inauspicious escape  
Characters: Ducky, Abby, Tony, Gibbs.  
Pairing(s): none  
Genre(s): Humor, bordering on crack!  
Word count: approx 1,500  
Warnings(s): Set during S6, but no specific episode spoilers

Prompt: Write a fic featuring either Ducky, Abby, Tony, Gibbs or Vance, Palmer, Ziva, McGee. I went with the former.  
Disclaimer: I don't own them, I'm only borrowing, and I promise to play nicely with them.

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Ducky tucked the file folder under his arm and pressed the call button for the elevator, watching as the display changed.

"Ducky!"

Ducky looked up in surprise as the elevator doors finished opening. "Abby? My dear, is there something wrong? You seem quite agitated."

"No, no, it's just that I haven't seen anybody all morning. Well, except for Bert and Major Mass spec. But they're not what you'd call great conversationalists."

"So you thought you'd come and converse with me?" said Ducky. "Well I'm very flattered, but I'm just on my way up to speak to Jethro."

"Perfect! We can go together!" Abby pulled Ducky into the car just as the doors were about to close.

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The doors opened on the bullpen a few minutes later. Ducky stood back with a slight bow, to allow Abby to leave the car first, but before she could take more than a step, she was almost knocked over by what at first appeared to be a super powered projectile, but at second glance resolved itself into one Tony DiNozzo.

"Tony!" yelped Abby, grabbing at Ducky to avoid falling over.

"Really Anthony," said Ducky, reprovingly. "You should be more careful."

"Go go go!" hissed Tony, as he huddled in the corner. "Quick, close the doors!"

"Ooh, is it a new case?" asked Abby, practically hopping up and down with excitement. "A really really hinky one?"

"Worse," said Tony. "Vance is pissed that not enough agents signed up for some so called 'voluntary' seminar he's set up. So he's doing a sweep of the building. Anybody who doesn't look busy is being 'volunteered'. Ziva texted me from evidence lock up to say she'd been caught. Her last words were 'save yourself' in Hebrew." He paused for a second as if thinking, "Or maybe it was 'screw you for sending me down here to get caught'. Either way, I figured I'd better get out before I got roped in as well." He reached for the button to close the doors, only to have Abby slap his hand away.

"So you just left Gibbs and McGee to take the fall? That's really really mean, Tony. Gibbs would never leave you behind like that."

"Well it's about time McGee took one for the team. And if Gibbs didn't drink so much coffee, he wouldn't have hit the head just before Ziva texted me. Come on Abby, I'll buy you lunch. And you too Ducky," he added as an afterthought. "I mean, I think Vance is in a take no prisoners kind of mood. He'll probably 'volunteer' you guys as well!"

"I don't think that's likely, Tony," said Ducky, as his finger hovered over the control panel.

"No Ducky," said Abby, "He's right." Her voice took on a solemn note, "Poor Tim, but his sacrifice won't be in vain." She reached out and hit the 'close doors' button.

"Atta girl, Abby," said Tony, his eyes fixed on the doors, willing them to close faster. Twelve inches of space, ten inches, eight, six...and then with only seconds to spare, a hand interposed itself between the closing sheets of metal. Tony couldn't help but yelp as the doors opened again to reveal a supremely pissed off Gibbs standing in front of them, one hand on the door, the other holding his coffee.

"DiNozzo!" growled Gibbs; "You better have one hell of an explanation for goofing off like this in the middle of the day!"

"If Vance catches us, we're doomed to sit through a training seminar," said Tony, the words almost tripping over themselves in an effort to get out of his mouth. "We need to beat a hasty retreat."

The words were hardly out of his mouth before Gibbs stepped into the elevator car and punched the 'close doors' button so hard that Tony was sure he heard it crack.

"Thanks Boss, I knew you'd see the sense...ow? What the hell was that for?" Tony rubbed the back of his head.

"Marine's don't retreat, DiNozzo," said Gibbs, taking a swig of his coffee. "We make strategic withdrawals."

"You guys can come hide out with me," offered Abby as she hit the button for her floor. "If they started at the evidence lock up then they should have cleared my level by now."

"We're better off getting out of the building," said Tony, pushing the button for the exit level.

"But my lab is cool, we can listen to music and even if Vance does show up we won't be able to hear him." Abby pressed the button again and stood in front of the panel, blocking it from Tony's reach.

"Come on Abs," said Tony, trying to reach around her. "You know I love your lab, but trust me, it's not the safest place to be right now."

"Knock it off the pair of you," said Gibbs, "We're going..." His words were cut off by the screech of metal as the elevator shuddered to a halt and the lights went off.

"Ooops," said Tony. "Looks like we're going nowhere!" Nobody was surprised at the sound of the head slap that followed.

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The emergency lights came on to reveal Tony rubbing the back of his head. "How do you do that even in the dark?" he grumbled.

Gibbs ignored him, reaching past Abby for the emergency stop button.

"Uh Gibbs, in case you didn't notice, we're *already* stopped," said Tony. "Shutting up now Boss," he quickly added as Gibbs glared at him.

"One of you probably just hit the wrong button with all your messing around," said Gibbs, he pulled sharply on the emergency button, only to have it come off in his hand.

"Ooh, that's not good," said Abby.

"Oh my, Jethro," said Ducky, "I'm forced to agree."

"Not surprising though," said Tony. "What with all the times Gibbs uses this car as his own personal 'conference' room, that button was bound to give way sooner or later."

Gibbs ignored them as he opened the panel for the emergency phone. "This is Special Agent Gibbs. I'm in Elevator C, stuck between floors. What the hell's going on?" He listened for a few seconds before continuing, "There's four of us..." "What? No, no injuries."

"Not yet," muttered Tony. "But if we're stuck here long enough for Gibbs to get decaffeinated, I don't give much for our chances." He shut his mouth quickly as Gibbs finished talking.

"So what's the verdict Gibbs?" asked Abby, "Are we gonna get out of here before we have to start nibbling on Tony to avoid starvation?"

"Hey!" said Tony, indignantly.

"Well the good news is that there's no danger. Some idiot flipped the wrong switch and fried a few circuits. Emergency systems kicked in and halted the car."

"So we're not going to end up plummeting to the ground then?" asked Tony, "Because I remember in Earthquake there was a bunch of people in an elevator car and...." His voice trailed off as he saw Gibbs's glare.

"You said that was the good news, Jethro," said Ducky, "Which would imply that there is some less promising news to impart to us."

"Yeah, what gives o silver fox?" asked Abby.

"The bad news is that it could take them a couple of hours to get us out of here."

"Oh crap," said Tony. "Oh dear," said Ducky. "Cool!" said Abby.

The other three looked at her. "Come on guys, it'll be fun. We can sing songs, tell horror stories. It'll be like a slumber party. Only with guys!"

Tony just looked at Abby for a second before turning to Gibbs. "You know, we're probably not that far from a floor. Maybe if we pried open the doors, we could climb out."

"I would strongly advise against that course of action," said Ducky. "I remember once performing an autopsy on a man who tried that very thing. Although technically it was only half an autopsy. You see the function was restored to the elevator system as he was mid way through his escape, and the lower half of his body was in somewhat of a viscous state."

Even Abby looked a bit off-color at the thought.

"No," said Gibbs. "We sit tight and wait till maintenance get off their asses and sort this out." He took a drink from his coffee.

"Lets hope they do it before the coffee runs out," said Tony. He looked at his watch and grimaced. "This is not how I wanted to spend my day. Still at least we're not at Vance's lecture!"

"True," said Abby, "But what are we going to do to pass the time? Ducky, will you tell us a story!"

"Oh I think I can do better than that, Abby," said Ducky. "I never did tell you why I was on my way to see Jethro earlier. You see, I was going to invite him to attend a lecture. One that *I* was going to be giving."

"You mean you..." said Abby. "Were going to be giving Vance's lecture?" said Tony.

"Yes," said Ducky. He opened up his folder, "And fortunately, I just happen to have my notes with me."

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Agent Woo was waiting by the elevator doors on the bullpen level. "Hey," she said to Agent Richardson. "Did you hear a sort of groaning noise coming from the shaft?"

Richardson shrugged, "Probably just metal fatigue. Better take the stairs just in case."

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The End


End file.
